Me and my gorgeous 5 years old have been locked in a puzzle for the past couple of months over the fact that sometimes she has to do exactly opposite to whatever I ask her to do. Its confusing the hell out of me…quite lost one day I tell the husband about it and he instructs me to google it….so I decided to research and share my findings with all the wonderful parents who read my blogs, hope you find it useful too.
Apparently, if your child doesn’t listen to you, it’s not your fault… nor theirs… and definitley it is not that they love you any less.
It is because humans are hardwired to be oppositional, and that’s a good thing.
All of us have a “counter-will” that leads us to resist, counter, stand up and oppose whenever we feel controlled, confined or coerced.
We all feel it arise inside us when someone tells us what to think, do, or feel, “This isn’t a mistake or a flaw in human nature, and, like all instincts, serves an important function in our lives, according to Dr. Deborah MacNamara, a clinical counsellor and director of Kid’s Best Bet.
The good news is when children resist directions from the people they are close to, they will more likely to put up a fight if a stranger tells them to get in a van or car.
The actual challenge for parents is that the kids immaturity makes it rather a raw expressions of resistance.”
To combat this, Dr MacNamara says parents should appeal to a child’s “want-to” desires instead of making them feel like they have to… that means old fashion parenting and bossing them is not the way forward. We need to engage them in a more friendly and fun ways by giving them options, actions and more importantly choices, because children are experiential learners.
After all we really want our children to be cooperative and understanding human beings rather than passive and obedient to our instructions.
I think as parents, we can be tough on ourselves at times, but seeing our little ones flourishing in front of us reassures me that my husband and I are doing something wonderful and I want to remember this on the days I doubt myself.
So have you got a preschooler or a young kid? How are you coping?